Did you ever fake it?

Steve

Dear Steve,

You know the answer to this one. I'm surprised you missed the dead look in my eyes. Honestly, I can't remember a time when I did NOT fake it with you. This is quite a feat because I love sex, but with you, sex was like reading Morgan Stanley Dean Witter's annual report. I got nothing out of it except headache and confusion. Most of this is because you were lousy in bed. Some of this is because we had zero chemistry so I had a hard time getting into your pathetic, groveling pencildick. You're lucky I even gave it up to you. You, Steve, were a pity fuck. And pity can only go so far.

Why did you dump me two days before Valentine's Day?

Ashleigh

Dear Ashleigh,

Look, things were moving too quickly. You latched on to me immediately and I didnt have the same feelings for you. I couldn't handle the thought of spending a Valentine's Day with such a clingy, needy, sappy person. Valentine's Day wouldve been a complete joke and a waste of both our time. Why would you want to spend a day for lovers with someone who doesn't love you? So why does it matter that I dropped you before Valentine's Day? Would it have made you feel better if I did it after? Then you'd ask me why I didn't drop you before. I can't win with you, that's why this is over.

Are there lingering questions you'd like to ask the person who dumped you? Send them to us at askdumper@dumpedster.com and we'll get you the closure you crave!